considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
