I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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