: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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