is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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