my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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