He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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