Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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