i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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