Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
