hotel room ftw
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
