Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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