we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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