I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
