i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
