is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
