Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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