Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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