I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
