Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
