I cockslap morals
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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