Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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