put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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