So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
