I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
