I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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