so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize