I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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