well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
