I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
