Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
