i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
