she was so not down for the gang bang
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
