Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the condom got lost in my hair
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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