did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
