Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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