Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
