Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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