Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
