If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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