Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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