this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize