I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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