sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
