1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
