Your face is a jimmy john
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
