If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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