So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize