there was a trapeze. enough said
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
