the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
