And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
