I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
