I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
