Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
