Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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