if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
