everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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