I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
