But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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