dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
