no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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