I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
third nipple confirmed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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