I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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