Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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