Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis

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(347): View more from New York

the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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(407): View more from Florida

she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

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(616): View more from Michigan

I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.

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(914): View more from New York

I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend

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(970): View more from Colorado

I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.

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