I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
